Only Whores Don't get attached..

so today was interesting. i missed my bus. oh yeah. wonderful. so i ran down my hill screaming at the top of my lungs *cocksmear* and *douchenozzle* oh yeah. i was very upset. so i walk back up my hill, with my dog and emily *because the dog had to come after me lol and emily was right behind the dog. quite interesting* and i called sarah's mom and asked her for a ride because my gram wasn't going to give me a ride. Her mom is the sweetest lady ever. She trys so hard to make people happy. im not even her kid and yet she treats me like her home is my home. sarah also looks after me. i really dont know what I'd do without them. They're the nicest people ever!!! I love you sarah. so i had a final in WP *world perspectives 1* and i passed with an A!!I'm very happy staying after paid off. *smile* i was so scared i was going to fail. yeah we barely did anything today. which you know. i can deal with. lol. so yeah lately i've been very.. touchy feely. why? i have NO clue. maybe im just hornier than always. ..or just.. want a realationship. *sigh* im sick of being alone. i want someone who makes me happy. i want...Brett...still *sigh*.because. and a quote!!"because he makes me smile inside and out whenever i see him, and hes the only guy i trust, and can talk to for that matter, as many times as i tried getting over him i fall harder for him" but yeah this is long enough. tata.

so, yeah, i just read your LJ and your life sux. im sorry homie. i told you time and time again.. im here for you. but for some reason you dont seem to care, now listen to me, DONT BITCH YOU DON'T HAVE ANYBODY HERE FOR YOU WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN COME TO ME WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. SOMEONE TO CHILL WITH, SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS, I've known you for how long? been through how much with you? and you think I'm not here for you? BS. you think no one is here for you, when in reality the people that are here for you, aren't good enough for you, take my advise craig... LIFE SUX FOR EVERYONE!! AND I KNOW THAT PEOPLE HAVE HAD ALOT MORE SHITTY LIVES!!! so get over yourself,here's a quote for you..



" Life must suck for people like you...to shove that 10 foot pole all the way up your ass must be fucking hard shovving it up there EVERY GOD DAMNED DAY!!"

...*sigh*... get the fuck over yourself i hate people who think life isn't worth living....


i gotta go.. bye..

"uhm. you know i see your posts most of the time that im looking at my friends page!! it's really starting to irratate me. i especialy hate the type of posts where your like " i have no friends, my life sucks, blah blah blah blah...ect. ect." but the way i look at life is.. you're not disfunctional, life sucks sometime, but you have a roof over your head, you have food in your stomach, you have clothes on your back, so life is pretty good. i know you think life sucks cuz you get lonely, but hey, who doesn't? even those who are madly in love with someone and had that person there for them whenever they want get lonely, not often, but they still think they need more!! people get very very selfish, and they complaine about themselves, and i dont think you should live life like that, just. like. "take life by the horns" and live off the happy mommories, not the sad ones, and never say "good-bye" but "see you later" because i garantee they'll cross your path of life again. sorry this is so long. or that it doesn't make sence, i just want you to look at life outside the box ya know? well hun. merry x-mas, love~courtney"


Wowzaz,im such a carazy biatch

sooo yesterday after work i got my paycheck. 119.83!!! aren't you excited!!...so i bugged kyle for his picture. oooo sooo sexy!! YEAH!! lol. you're awesome kyle. and Sunday im supposed to go see chelsie. whom is one of my good friends. i love her ooooh so dearly. she's sexy!! lol. anywho. i gotta work today, 10 hours, and alone. but maybe some help, im pretty happy about that, monday i have to go and sign up the crew to help build drama. or..yeah..that chelsie talked me into it. lol. anywho. i have to go. tata!!

i worked today. got some hours in. more money. fun fun

im friends with Amanda. which is cool. cuz i really dont want any grudges anymore. too much in my life right now to deal with grudges.

not goign to school tomororow yay.

i hate everyone. everyone is pissing me off. yeap. everyone.

well i gtg bye.

i saw kyle.yesterday. and danced with him. in the rain. he was my first. yay! im excited!!!! tomorrow i get to see DJ, NOW IM REALLY EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! well i gtg tata.

okay, so my mom calls me today, and was all like hiii how're you. mind you she spoke to my brother first because.. i hate her now and i never wanna speak to her again. she's dumb, really, and get this. she told me i need to speak to her with "respect".hahahahaha. i didnt even wanna have a conversation with her, and now i have to talk to her AND i have to have respect when i speak to her. fuck that shit. oh and she called my aunt and was all like "can i see them?" and my aunts like.. uhhhhh.. and im all like hiding in the garage.hahahaha. god do i hate her.

school tomorrow. that's a downer.

DJ's FINALLY back. whoop whoop.

well gtg tata.

so yesterday i talked to tasha online and then i talked to her on the phone. and we're chillin Saturday. i guess im sleeping over her house. i dont know. lol. Sunday morning i will update pictures. and you can see my kitty's babies, they are OH SO cute. i will show pictures, and i will also show pictures of othe rthings, on sunday but for now, regular boring updates. anywho. my mother came over yesterday. and we wished her a happy birthday. and she signed the papers. and took her clothes.. and slowly inched herself out the door. Meh. sooo i must be on my way tata.

my mom's supposed to come by today. because it's her bday and she wants to spend time with us. haha. funny i forgot it was her b-day, like i TOTALLY SPACED IT! oopz. haha. i haven't even made her a card. haha. im a bitch. well i gtg bye.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

SOOOO after all that venting. guess who i call?! yea.. him. and we had a lovely conversation.It was nice, no hardcore "i want you soo bad" more of the "im happy to hear from you" kind of conversation. but he wont answer my question.. does he still like me.. he just wont. so i have come to the conclusion that he doesn't. which is fine because.. i need a better person to be with anyways. He's too much for me and i can't handle having my emotions being tossed around like i don't have any emotions at all. im VERY emotional.Sometimes too emotional. and when it comes to guys... super emotional. so it's time to move on. and i need to get it through my head. we're just friends... *phew*... okay.. on another note. Sarah. you're going to that party thingy right? well tomorrow is the Mall trip. and i was wondering if you we're still going?! i hope sooo!!.. anywho. must be on my way. happy day. *friday the 13th* saweet. it's just.... ORGASMIC!! heehee later.

i went to robinhood pond and thought about EVERYTHING that's been going on okay here's a quote that i should laugh at.. but wont. and figured out.. he hasnt got it all that bad...at fucking all..

Him: "im just depressed"
Me: "why?"
Him:"well for one.. i haven't had a drink in about a week"
Me: "well that's good. believe it or not"
Him"No It Isnt"
Me:"well okay.. whatever you say.. i gtg love you lotz *muahz* Bye:)"


okay yea i was pleasant but i was thinking about it today and i was like " okay. so he's depressed which is probably why he doesnt answer his phone. he's sad. he doesnt wanna talk to anyone okay acceptable. but wait.. My own father comes against me and helps ruin my life. my mother tried to kill herself *not only once may i remind you. it happened once when she was a teenager*and dropped me at my aunts house. doesnt even come by alot. doesnt say i love you anymore. a totally different woman.i get the bad deal out of everything. I'm always being called names when i dont deserve it and people always put me down. i always find the wrong men who are players and selfcentered assholes that only want one thing from me.i have one good friend. the rest are more like aquantences... but yet i still keep a grin on my face. i still stay happy.." and he's depressed cuz he hasnt got shitfaced, which really doesnt make sence to me because when he is drunk and begining to sober up he gets depressed!!! YOU FUCKING MORON YOU'RE GONNA BE DEPRESSED ANY FUCKING WAY TO LOOK AT IT! god i hate people. i hate them with a passion...sonetimes.. other times.. im a people person.. you just gotta get me at the right time.. on a good note. im going school shopping Saturday with Sarah. and my aunt. saweet!!!! gtg bye

sarah slept over last night!it was kewl!! i had FUNNN!! it was crazy we caught frog and tortured it in my swimming pool, and we played beat eachothers ass with the bouncy ball. and stuff, we listened to music, talked about out crushes, i got over brett, for now, :-P like my icon? saweet right?!:-Pgtg beat sarah's ASS! and clean my house!!!laterz!

okay okay time to update, i went to the fair yesterday, and i baught a necklace. a bright orange one!! and i saw my ex boyfriend type fling thingy. haha. ewww. that ruined my day, cuz he was always around wherever i was. and i was annoyed with him. and i hate him as it is. so. yea. i went on so many rides. and it was fun. i was screaming my lungs out saying " im going to toss my fucking cookies" and i told this chick i seriously fucking hate with a passion that if i toss my cookies for her not to be mad at me :-D i was amused and then we left. and we were really hot so we went swimming. and i changed in tyrels car. it was funny. and then after swimming we were on our way to keene and we almost ran into a fox, and yea, i chilled with dj and sarah, and yea it was funy, i got alot of bruises though :-S well update later. kinda tired. bye.

I've realized that alot of family and friends are always there for me. even when im not in a bad situation. and they're there even when i AM in a bad situation. mostly my aunt gram and gramp as family and my bestest friend sarah, she's so AWESOME! i hope we keep in contact when we're grown up, yea right like we'll ever grow up, i ment older, my b, anywho. I LOVE YOU SARAH im goign to the mall tomorrow. and i can't wait to go. i have to get a b-day present for Brett,cuz his b-day is in 5 more days, exactly, i hope i can get him the shirt. i hope he'll like it. i already asked him which one he wanted. he told me he already had one. but i gotta know which one I'm supposed to get him, and how much it is. and then i dont know what im getting for myself. I'm doign all this cuz i care for him. alot. and i can't say i love him.. cuz i dont know if i do.. i probably like him alot. but i get confused about my feelings. i dont know man. im so confusing. like my grandmother said " once you figure Courtney out, she changes so suddenly" heehee my resonce "*grin*" haha. i so funny. well i gotta go LATERZ

HAHAHAHAHA BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE!

okay okay so ive been drawing ALOT lately. and i can't help it! i love drawing!! and i also keep on thinking about alot. and listenin to alot of "sad" songs. and im also thinking about how much school is going to SUCK this year. and how much im going to get my ass kicked. lol, im about as good as dead, i guess. and i dont wanna live in winchester anymore. i mean i dony see anyone. but i barely sleep at night because im afraid. yea i'll admit it, im scared!! but you would to when ppl are after you cuz of a whole bunch of stuff. and what about him. he always plays with my head, he's always telling me he likes me and he treats me like shit. and i still like him. UGH. yea. its wicked bullshit. wicked. why cant he just tell me off? just tell me we can be friends. why cant he tell me the truth *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* it sucks so much. ppl complain about the keene high school system and i dont think it's that bad. i mean. it's the kids. there's always an asshole right around the corner. and i know most of them. and im friends with most of them. and if im not friends with them they wanna kick my ass. wow. im so confused. why does there have to be clicks? and why do i always find the bad ones. i went to see my mom yesterday. cuz i live with my aunt now. well i went to see her and she was all touchy and stuff i was like. stop!! god!! i dont know. im so weirded out now. and i'm keeping almost everything inside. because i have no one to talk to . and it sucks. everyones busy with their own life. you know. im saving for ONE thing. one freakin thing. my car. because that is going to take me wherever i wanna go. and im going to be psyched!!!!!!! but i have to go now. tata.

dude. this...this sucks..yea.. so yea.. im not moving to keene. or maybe i am. i dont know. but my mom just flipped out at me and was all like "you're just like your asshole father, just fuking like him. if you weren't too busy getting stoned with him then non of this would be happening" yeaaaa so once again everythings my fault. im a loser child. and my aunts comming to pick me up right fucking now. and last night on the phone i was talking to ***** and i dont know if we're dateing or not :-S gtg laterz